This link forwarded by a friend opened up a new (re)evaluation of beauty and self-esteem on my part. The preconceived definition was reexamined, and it is somewhat disturbing when you find that your expectations do not match the general concensus. That is neither to say that I have a skewed view of beauty nor an exalted one. Upon casual observation, I still find the attractive attractive, and the less so as they are. But the root of the problem in the study of connection between of beauty and self-esteem, is that, to me, there should not be one.

In the videos forwarded, and in the countless links and forums that followed them, the general opinions expressed hover around the idea to tell these girls that they are beautiful, and there's nothing wrong with their body, face, freckles etc. Note the use of the word "girls", because this problem clearly addresses the female population mainly and directly, and their male counterpart indirectly. My objection to these ideas of accepting beauty (or ugliness as beauty) is that it has a smack of delusion and dishonesty. Understandably, we should not blatantly go along with the convention of beauty in popular, media or in the social circle, but more often that not, these opposites of popular beauty : too skinny, obesity etc are symptoms of uglier problems. Saying a fat kid is beautiful without the right follow-up would mean that he does not have to shed those pounds. And to tell an okay looking girl that she is super hot without the right clarification might lead to vanity in forms of overt amateur modelling activities.

Are we too insecure as a society to say that there are some forms of womanhood that are not acceptable? Are we trying to solve this problem by denying that ugliness is ugly, and try to get rid off that word from any definitions of appearances? Should there not be absolutes just so we won't have relativity?

These small white lies we tell these girls mask the underlying disease of actually associating the worth of someone with their looks. Would we not be better off without that very connection? Would it be more liberating without the beauty=value equation? Self-esteem should not be about being happy the way you look, but about not even thinking about it, because it has nothing to do with your self-esteem.

But of course we should not be that idealistic in defining the solution. Of course we can't change the society's tendency to judge appearances, both on others and in themselves. Men being the pigs that they are, and women, being the sows that they also are (yay equality!), could not help but initially decide based on visual merits. As individuals, a very very high percentage of us decides everyday what to wear, how to look, what could we change about our appearances, because we could not fight our very own judgemental demons. Do we not judge the compatibility of a couple based on their looks all the time? Do we not say that the new girlfriends of our exes are ugly? Do we not put only our best pictures on display?

After much rambling, it would be helpful to state that the point of this whole entry is that the final destination should be the complete elimination of the connection between a person's worth and their looks. This "beauty comes from within" cliche, although absolutely true, without proper usage, would not adequately address the problem. Don't simply blame just the male population or the media for setting these absurd definition of beauty, because they are the effects, not the cause, which is our inherent tendency to judge. Let us also be free to call uggos uggos, not because we are being mean, but because that's the way it is. In an ideal, honest non-pc world, we should be able to go up to a girl and say she is fat or ugly, but that does not mean anything other than she is objectively not skinny and pretty. As darkness is just the absence of light, beauty is the lack of ugliness.

Without a doubt, these campaigns for real beauty are noble in intent, but I still feel we are settling for second best. Hopefully, this is just the first step towards the ideal solution, and a quick fix to solve the immediate problem because even as (if we want to) we are trying to abolish completely the beauty=self-worth connection, people are emotionally and literally dying. As always, we could be part of the solution, and in this case, by supporting these campaigns, just because they are the ones that actually try.